


Last Time

by PatchworkSam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 10x18 coda, Book of the Damned, Fix-It, Gen, Sam and Charlie address the Gadreel issue PROPERLY, episode coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 04:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4947457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchworkSam/pseuds/PatchworkSam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie realizes she may have jumped to conclusions when she talked to Sam earlier. This time, she's going to find out exactly what *really* happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> Like many other Sam girls, I was frustrated with the way the Gadreel issue was addressed in this episode. It was a great opportunity to have Sam share what happened to him and have someone support him--unfortunately, any chance of that got shut down pretty quickly. So this is my attempt at making up for that disappointing scene.  
> Thanks so much to Jess and Kate for beta-ing!

Sam was sitting in the library when Charlie walked in.

“Hey! What’s with you, Mr. Broody-pants? Don’t think I didn’t notice you sneaking out on us earlier.”

“Just tired. Didn’t really feel like staying to chat.” Sam shrugged. “Plus, getting choked out by that Styne guy didn’t really do my larynx any favors,” he added, mouth twisting into a wry grin.

Charlie snorted and wandered over to plop down next to him. “It sucks you had to burn the book. I guess you’re feeling pretty bummed, huh?” she offered, sympathetically.

“Yeah. Something like that.”

“But at least, it’s probably for the best,” she went on. “I mean, this is what Dean wants… and he said the thing was having a bad effect on him, right? It could make it worse.”

“But we don’t know that,” Sam muttered softly, then added, “and I sure as hell wouldn’t’ve forced anything on him.”

Maybe that came out a little more vehemently than he meant it to, because Charlie just looked at him curiously for a moment, before saying, “’Course you wouldn’t. Why would you?”

Sam shook his head, staring down at his hands in his lap. “This isn’t the same,” he said, mostly to himself it seemed.

“What do you mean? What isn’t?” Charlie was gazing intently at him now, perplexed expression tinged with concern.

“Last time. When Dean said that’s not what I said last time… I never said I wouldn’t save him.”

“What are you talking about? He’s your brother; of course you want to save him.”

Sam let out a sharp laugh. “Yeah, well, apparently Dean doesn’t think so. I guess he thinks I don’t care enough about him. Because I said I wouldn’t do to him what he did to me.”

“Sam. What’s this about? What actually happened last time?” Charlie’s tone was low and gentle, her brow tense with concern.

“What happened was…” Sam shook his head. Then, leaning back with a long sigh and running a hand through his hair, he tried again. “So, I was dying, right. And Dean… couldn’t let that happen.”

Charlie nodded, though her expression didn’t change as she waited for him to go on.

“So, he, uh… he shoved an angel inside me.” Sam pushed the words out, voice taut with effort, as if the force of them could counteract the force of an invading entity.

Charlie stared, at a loss. “He shoved a… Wait. But I thought angels could only enter someone with their consent?”

Sam scoffed. “Right. Consent.” There was no mistaking the bitter edge in his voice, something she had never heard from him before. “That’s why he tricked me.”

“He what?” Charlie’s face was all confusion and surprise.

“I was unconscious. The angel, he um, appeared to me, in my dream I guess. As Dean. Pretending to be Dean. He told me to trust him.”

“And you did.”

“He—the angel—uh, or Dean, I don’t know—said he found a way for me to live. And that was okay. I was okay with living, as long as no one got hurt… And I wanted to trust him. I did trust him. Or I thought I did. I trusted my brother… But that wasn’t my brother in my head. And it wasn’t my brother in my head for months, months after that. Messing with my brain, pulling things out and putting other stuff in so I wouldn’t know what was going on… pulling neurons like strings, like a damn puppet… That wasn’t my brother. But the person who let that happen… was my brother.”

Charlie was staring, horrified. “Oh my god…” She managed to regain some composure as Sam turned a stricken face to her. He met her gaze for the first time since he’d started talking, and she reached out slowly to rest her small hand on his broad shoulder.

He released a sigh, put his face in his hands for a moment, elbows propped on his knees.

“When I said yes, I didn’t mean… That wasn’t what I said yes to. I didn’t even know… Didn’t know there was a goddamn angel in my body. And then Kevin, my friend… he’s dead because of m—because the angel… used me, to kill him. I didn’t say yes to that. But it happened… so I must’ve… I should’ve done something…”

“Sam.” Charlie’s voice was firm. She squeezed his shoulder, just a little. He had been staring forwards, unfocussed, but now he turned his eyes to meet hers again.

“Hey. Sam, listen to me. None of that was your fault. You didn’t even know it was happening, right? Then there’s nothing you could’ve done about it.”

Sam just shook his head. “I should’ve known something was wrong. I did, hell, I did know something was wrong. But I thought… I didn’t know what to think. Dean said it was because of the trials. I had no idea…”

“There’s no way you could have known, Sam. Only Dean knew, right? So he lied to you.”

Sam looked away a moment, before nodding meekly.

“God, Charlie, I’m sorry, I—” he exhaled and ran a hand over his face. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, you shouldn’t have to deal with my crap, it’s just—”

“Hey, no apologizing. That was an awful thing Dean did. I’m so sorry, Sam. It’s not your fault, any of it.”

“Yeah, maybe. I mean, that’s what I thought at first, because I was angry, but now… I don’t know. Dean still thinks he was right because he saved my life. He said he’d do it again. And maybe, you know, maybe he’s right.”

“No.” The single syllable fell heavily on the quiet air. Charlie continued, a touch more softly, “You have every right to be angry, Sam. What Dean did was wrong. What’s the point in saving someone if you have to violate them in order to do it? That’s not saving you, that’s hurting you!”

“He didn’t do it to hurt me,” Sam offered lamely.

“Maybe not, but he purposely did something hurtful. There’s really no difference.” Her expression was taut, the anger in her voice carefully restrained. “Either way, it was a selfish thing to do, putting his feelings above your basic rights.”

“Yeah… Yeah, I know, I just—” He squeezed his eyes shut and massaged his temples with his fingertips. “I’m so tired of being angry with him, tired of this distance, this tension between us. I just want to fix things, you know?”

“And you think you can do that by blaming yourself and sweeping the pain under a rug?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

Charlie shook her head and reached out to take his hand. “No, Sam, it isn’t. I mean, that’s not the way to deal with this. Your hurt, your anger, those aren’t the problem here. What Dean did to you, that’s the real problem. Your feelings are totally justified. Because what he did? That’s messed up. He’s got to deal with his own crap. It’s not up to you to clean up his mess.”

Sam shook his head hopelessly. “That’s never gonna happen. He won’t apologize if he thinks he’s right.”

“Yeah? Well then somebody’s gotta kick him off his high horse and show him how he screwed up.”

“Charlie…”

“No, I’m right. You know I am. Dean can’t get away with pulling this kind of crap on you. What’s to stop him from doing something like this again, or worse? If he thinks he can treat you like this, there’ll be no end to it. And this has got to end, like, yesterday.”

“Yeah,” Sam sighed. “I know, you’re right.”

“Damn right I am.”

Sam smiled, just a little. “Alright, it’s just… What exactly am I supposed to do about it?”

“Well, it’s okay to stand up for yourself, for starters. You owe that to yourself. You deserve better than this.”

“I guess.”

“Let me hear that with a little more conviction. You are not an object, and nobody’s got the right to treat you like one. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“That’s a little better. We might have to work on that though, get that self-esteem up a few notches.”

Sam chuckled a little, and Charlie moved to stand up. “In the meantime,” she continued, “I’m just gonna have a little chat with Dean.”

Sam’s brow immediately contorted in concern. “Charlie, you don’t have to do that…”

“I know. But I want to,” she said sincerely. “Don’t worry; I won’t kick his ass too hard,” she added with a grin. “If all goes well, he’ll be able to sit down again in a few days.”

She paused and turned around before leaving the room. “Sam? I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I just assumed and I… I never let you explain. I had it all wrong. I should never have blamed you for any of this.”

“It’s okay, really—”

“No, it isn’t. I was wrong and unfair and I’m sorry,” she insisted.

Sam just looked at her for a moment, then nodded. “Alright. But we’re good now, okay?”

“Okay.” Charlie smiled sheepishly. “Thanks.”

Sam smiled back as she slipped out the door.


End file.
